“Behind the Sash: Adelaida’s Advocacy & Evolution” #117

Transcript

have you been looking for a podcast to help you transform your physical and

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[Music] all right we are live good morning good

morning Miss Addie how are you doing today good morning good morning Mark I am excellent on this Monday morning and

afternoon wherever it is today as we're speaking

do we have a delay that's great so yes we are live and you're all the way in Puerto Rico and uh I'm out here in

California how's the weather out there we good is the weather good we are we are good uh

Mark we

must buy so this week the hurricane Lee is heading towards the eastern part of

our United States the Northeast which is where I'm from uh originally from Bronx

New York BX in the house any Bronx listeners ah I've been there done that

and um and New Haven Connecticut is my hometown I lived there for 30 years so

it's a little concerning but right now uh we just have a lot of wins

the wins yeah that's that gets to be that's what

it is out there you know you got it you know unfortunately Puerto Rico has to deal with that quite often so

yeah we're we're Smackdown yes well that's

that's correct you're right there in the midst of it so I'm going to go ahead and Miss Addie I'm going to go ahead and let you introduce yourself and then we're

going to get right into this interview I welcome you to the show of Beyond the Mat look forward to having our chat today and what we're going to learn from

you today I'm looking forward to it so miss Adam you take it away go ahead and introduce yourself Namaste everyone

in Puerto Rico we use our two last names to represent the mother and the father of our of our being so uh I am 54 years

old I am currently in the industrial hemp uh business I am in the housing part of

it the building part of it the construction part of it and I'm also in the fashion part of it

where we also have textiles of every kind every every feel and the best part

of it all is that my background is 20 years of CBT and Mi which has

cognitive behavioral therapies motivational interviewing I was uh dealing with sexual assault crisis in

New Haven I was dealing with welfare back to work and I also come from a background of recidivism rates being

lowered due to reasoning or Rehabilitation by Dr Ross in Canada

wonderful 14 steps 14 sessions revamping your mind your way of thinking

and also the motivational part motivational interviewing which I use with all of many of my clients from the

past and many of them have come through but the best part of that Mark

is that when you become that facilitator and you also take in what you're

facilitating it becomes the best it becomes the best because then you are

the teacher and the master of what you just learned and what you want other people to learn because you're going

through it you're experiencing it and so I adapted those learnings of the r r and

the Mi to myself and my current situation at the time and trust me when

I tell you I would not be here today if I didn't follow those steps in those sessions to become more so my audience

and my groups became more I think I had a one percent return or two percent

maybe that's too much returned back to prison for one reason or another after

they've attended my groups and I'm also a bilingual interpreter

man yeah it's a lot it's quite a resume quite a resume what you got going on but we had we had just a small chat right

before we came on and I'd ask you if you're living in Puerto Rican you say you're coming up on two years of this now

and you had to make a decision right to leave um children and grandbabies behind so let's let's dabble into what that looks

like and and why we made that move yeah uh yeah I have uh 30 years of

living in New Haven Connecticut sorry I get emotional because when I had my second daughter I always

blame my second daughter I have two daughters beautiful beautiful girls beautiful women uh mothers right now so I have four

beautiful grandchildren not because they're mine because I love them

um but I wanted a better space to raise my children and I decided from Bronx New

York living there being raised there not having the childhood that I should have

had and the word should have I use it lighting because when you stick to the word

should it almost locks you in like a contract and it really isn't life is not

a contract life is what it is it's choices it's things that people make for

you when you're young and you're a child you have no say and so growing up in the in New York in

the Bronx I wanted a better life for my kids and when I got pregnant of my oldest daughter I decided to want

country life I wanted a calm life I didn't want the fast Russell and bustle that Manhattan brings you or Brooklyn or

Queens hey what's up BX uh but at the same time I wanted something quiet so I went to New Haven

Connecticut uh which is was my residence for 30 years and looking for something

more and wanting something more I ended up before that I ended up coming

to Puerto Rico in my teens and that's where the stash comes in because in search of my biological

mother with no clue no map no nothing just probably 35 dollars that I received

from a generous donor in New Haven Connecticut at the time when I was a young teenager I came to Puerto Rico to

look for my birth mother and that encounter became the most traumatic

yet leading part of my life

and this is why I'm here today almost two years living back in Puerto Rico my

birthplace and looking for that reason for living

my why and so and so and how is that how is that going

how is that working it's uh

it's a it's a learning a learning curve uh are you familiar with the word

neuroplasticity so neuroplasticity that's a big word so

no I'm sorry I don't know if it's

and be that difficult since I can remember people always told me why do

you use big words and I'm like they just come to me

and so neuroplasticity I wrote a paper on this uh in my in my College Gateway

Community College in New Haven Connecticut uh by the way I'm a College Dropout

there's a lot of things that are not on a plus side of my of my resume

and so with neuroplasticity it becomes new ways to think new ways to look at

things new ways to I used to do this this way habitually and now because I'm

in a new environment with new people with New Attitudes new foods everything is new here for me even though I'm

Puerto Rican I was born here I even represented my city of birth in Miss

Puerto Rico 1989. it's somewhere in the YouTube uh in the YouTube archives of my

life and even with that it didn't mean a thing it didn't it

didn't equal being Puerto Rican it just equaled I was in a beauty pageant

nothing happened so life went on and so I went back to

the States I went back to New York I went back to Connecticut to be honest

and I ended up having my first experience being a single mom pregnant

and I had my daughter and I said okay so then this is my life so

instead of going to Hollywood I went to babyhood and uh it was the best decision

I think I've ever made in my whole entire life because it has brought me to where I am today and bringing this home

and finding my roots and looking for myself as a person and not the person

that was created when I was living in the U.S of a it's a it's a it's a new feeling it's uh

to tell you the truth it's brand new to me being home and I'm here for a reason I'm here to bring you you know

Industrial Hemp to the eyes of my people to the Islanders of the ones that want

to root here that they want to stay here that they want to die here

gotcha it's a big deal well let's dabble into what what

let's let's talk about what is you the terminology what is industrial

hemp let's talk about what that is so Industrial Hemp hemp the plant itself

it's the Cannabis sativa cousin sober cousin so this is the cousin that you

want to take to the bar when you want to get mashed up this is the cousin that you can take

with you everywhere and he will be your designated driver because he is 100 safe

and so the industrial plant of hemp which now we recognize uh I know

California has been growing the industrial hemp and hemp for CBD purposes

when I looked at it four years ago mark I was like oh my gosh I had never heard

of him before 2018. or 2019. between that and between that time I always knew

about marijuana trust me when I tell you I smoked it in the Bronx that's where I was where I learned 420 but 420 wasn't a

thing back then when I was a kid that was the back in the 80s uh but to learn about hemp and learn

about the plant and learn what it can do and learn what it has been doing in the

past 5 000 years blew my mind it blew my mind to a point

where I was like what am I doing with my life this is like gold this is I call it Oro

Verde I call it green gold Mark can you see that

I called it gold but this is the this is the results

that I was able to gather and bring with me from a trip that I took to South

Dakota a month ago as a matter of fact peace out let me I want to shout out CHP

complete hemp processing in South Dakota had Myers in the family you are in my heart

they process this growing hemp in South Dakota we have a amazing hemp Growers out there

and what this can do is converted into what we call and best

known as hempcrete and known in Europe for about a hundred

years already France Spain Africa even has one South Africa just completed a 78

or 74 apartment complex totally made out of this material called

hemp Crete better known as we now want to be able to turn it around and call it

hemp line binder because that's exactly what it is and so with this being said Industrial

Hemp is a level up that we just got our doors opened in

2019 with the reversal of the hemp growing federally uh the uh

I'm misquoting here right now but it was it was a door opener and so

when I read about it and I saw it uh I have all of my tags here in a little in

an S hook and so my biggest my biggest eye opener was at Yale business legal

cannabis meeting and I tell you it was the best 55 I ever

invested in my whole entire life because it has led me to hear two years later I was an MCE at the

industrial hemp opening for a complete hemp processing in South Dakota like I said we are opening more processing

plants Across America we are we are growing in Pennsylvania we're growing in

South Dakota we're growing in Ohio we're actually growing in California Believe

It or Not uh Pennsylvania even even Washington has taken an eye on us at the

ushba and so it's it's growing it's coming but why hasn't it been done

before because it was banned and so the ones that did it under the

table because you already know inventors they will move forward regardless of

what bands are there inventors and we'll feel in their heart a fire that has just

you can't even turn it off with with Kryptonite you can't even turn it

off with Kryptonite and so this is carbon sequestering mark

to a degree that everything around its atmosphere without quoting any specific details but

it is on the ushba.org website everything is on there the ICC codes the

ASTM testing everything is on there and so we've gone from oh my gosh we

could do this right now with permission to there are many people coming into

this many women are coming into this good morning we have we have guests so I

just saw a pop-up uh we have many women many organizations are opening up we

have women Farmers that are growing industrial hemp and all we want

is this little piece of wood that's probably like a maybe three to five

inches long and we mix it with some water and some lime binder lime powder

that's it that's all the ingredients it's not a secret this is not KFC

this is for everyone why because the planet needs this carbon to go away

it damages everything it touches there are buildings that were built 40 50 years ago and they are tumbling there

are people suffering because of that structure that we believed in so much in the construction industry that right now

we have the alternative to carbon we have the alternative to to strength it

it just it's just that great and no one's going to believe it but you just got to see it for yourself

so I'm not here to convince no one mark that's not my job someone told me I was

a salesperson for this today or was it yesterday they marked it up and I said no I'm not a salesperson on this I'm a

True Believer I put my hands dirty with this I I have I got dirty hands making

my own this is my own hand cream that I made in July of 2021 thanks to hempstone

with Tom and Jennifer they were my leaders and instructors on this their universities doing projects on this I am

here in Puerto Rico looking for that one person to say yes let's go with this

plan let's go with this project let's build a structure of hempreet in Puerto

Rico to see what it gives us at the end so what

that okay so let's so let's let's talk to the

person that doesn't really even understand that so tell me exactly what this what what you're holding in your hand what is it what is this what is

this going to be capable of doing what does it do this is going to be capable of sequestering the carbon that

that let's just say it's a one bedroom kitchen living room home structured two

floors let's just say there's two floors and the walls will be made of this

there's no there's nothing else just the walls are going to be made of this now

our technology has gone to the length of building and patented by the company

himself a brick so now we can build your house with the bricks or the blocks or

even the old traditional way of tampering into two pieces of wood to

create your wall and technically it was used as an insulator

this insulation will keep out the the heat from the scorching Suns that are

hitting now Puerto Rico that many of our schools not even structures of people

that are living in apartments or houses but I kid you not when I do not make

things up even our educational structures are suffering this heat that

children are not able to learn because they can't concentrate they can't focus and so this will keep the heat out of

those walls penetrating through if this was a hemp wall right now I can retrofit

meaning in a construction way of doing it I can take maybe half an inch to an

uh an inch uh thick of this wall and take away from this room but guess what I'm giving myself

a clean space to breathe I could grow plants and herbs in a in a structured

four paneled wall made of hem cream

there it's made for sound proof you want a studio I can make you a soundproof

Studio guarantee that your neighbors will never hear your 100 decibels music

of Rolling Stones or or rock or reggae or whatever sounds you want to hear

because it is that good but you can't I'm like I said I'm not gonna sell this this sells itself

and for those who don't understand so you know Ray was on here right raise one of my uh

so raise on here he said he's wondering he's he's interesting

because this is the industrial side that you're talking about when we're talking about him you're talking about an industrial site and and how to do

something he's wondering this does this be expensive going that route this has to be expensive to go

that route what do you think about that if you're looking at the expense and not

the benefit then this is not a house for you because the benefits outweighs the

expense that you spent and put in to invest in your long-term Future these

houses last over a hundred years with no repairs

with no falling rooftops and 30 years

not at all and Europe has the proof interesting anywhere in France anywhere in Spain

anywhere in Europe you want to go to and ask for a hemp creep made structure through any of the architectural houses

that we have out there trust me when I tell you that they will tell you that those buildings are more than 100 years old

and still standing I'm still yeah I've never uh yeah so I've

yeah I've never heard um I've never heard this part of I know that hemp it has a a textile part to it that you know

you can matter of fact I just got a a fanny pack coming in that's hemp made yes that is awesome I understand that

there's a textile part of it and so this is all kind of new to me because when you

when uh is that yes is that hemp fabric there is that what that is yes it is this is hemp fabric

they are different there are different uh mixtures of it but we do have it with uh

uh um would it recycled poly this is recycled poly 55 hemp and three percent

spandex we could do an awesome set of pants and shirts with this because it's

stretchable material so kids could use this as a uniform when they're going to school we have uniforms now for the

children but it comes in all sizes even corduroy this is and we have canvas too

so yeah I'm into that as well

yeah it's interesting it's it's uh well when you it's hard to have a conversation about this because most of

the time when you start talking about hemp and stuff like that there's two there's two directions it goes right there's medicinal purposes and then

there's just like well they're just kind of you know they're smoking pot and that's what it is so it's it's interesting to have this

this conversation uh and I want to dabble into the CBD part of it also

because I know that in a for a personal side of it I've used some CBD for my animals for my

dogs especially now there is for those that are maybe not don't know much about

this there's a TCH side and there's a non-tch side right and so I've used them

both in my in in my dog where you know if they have a little bit of anxiety we used it but it got a little bit sick you

know they threw up a little bit with the TCH but the other one without it uh you can see a difference in them when

they get up and if we have an oil that we can rub on them um

I can see on my dogs that it's really good for for joint pain but since you're in this

world let me ask you some questions because we've got this for ourselves right I've gotten this

um CBD for joint pain but there's definitely a difference there's such a

big Market out there for what this is now you never know what's pure and what's not pure and what's really working and what's what doesn't work how

do you kind of dial into making sure that you've got something quality that's going to work especially for joint pains

and is this a way to that you see for it to go I have my own

I just I just started using I'm getting older and so I got it

directly from the distributor and the maker in South Dakota and

to be honest when you look at the ingredients when

you look at where it's coming from it it should I would say in my in my opinion

it should be tested by an overseer someone with a lab a laboratory tested

making sure that someone else says that it's okay that it's ingestible that it's

topical that it can go through the test because we have to test our CBD no matter what

um there's testing done on on everything to be honest but you got to look at what

Laboratories did they use are they credible what ingredients do they have and to be honest we are the consumers so

we make the product or we do not make the products so for me this one works

wonders I tell you I kid you not this joint right here if I I think I'm

getting arthritis or a touch of arthritis and so I never really took anything else and once I put this on

there there I cannot believe the fastest way to not feel any pain I

couldn't do this before I could not I kid you not and I am not the one to endorse any product Mark

trust me when I tell you I come from New York City I come from places where you know when you indoors you get paid no I

don't get paid for for saying any of this I speak the truth because I stand on my

truth and I've learned that through my through my my upbringing I learned that through business I learned that through

through all the teachings that I tell other people be honest even if it's gonna hurt even if it's just just be

honest and trust me when I tell you a lot of things don't work but this does work on your joints but look at look for

you know what Laboratories tested their products how did their results come back because that has to be open to the

public that information is open to the public so you have you you as a consumer should be concerned where are they

making all of this just like clothing just like our fabric where are they making this fabric are they using safe

and and Industrial rules and standards for the people are they under aging the

workers I would never contribute to a company that uses underage workers that's not I want to

come from I want to be a consumer somewhere where it's

logical where it's ethical where I can relate to the processes and

policies that they have and the standards that they stand for because nowadays that's what's coming out in the

open what companies were buying with the brand in the front but there's always a back office there's a back office where

is that back office you know is it illegitimate is it illegal is it mixed with THC higher than zero three percent

because remember our hemp has to be zero three or less in the THC department for

it to become anything other than him so I stand wholeheartedly and

um yeah products out there you got to be weird so yeah so I didn't

know yes see I didn't know that that's that's something else I didn't know I think a lot of this uh that is it has to

do with just um you know what you're going to look at are like my Generations let's just see

this so you see that you know the the pot shops pop up all the all the time right and and you know that some things

are abused you know they can they can say one thing just to do what they do but I'll tell you this I actually went

into my neighborhood one down here because I wanted a product my poor dog was just having such a hard time getting

up and so I went to the I went to the shop to see if I could talk to somebody I'm going to tell you so this young man that

was in there I mean he was very well versed on what CBD can do

the difference with TCH and not what he felt would be the best he had there are

several products he goes you know and he he was very educational for me to get

something for my dog to kind of put in there in their food

and you can see that there's a visible difference in him when he did it now he did say you know I

got the other one so when they're a little bit anxious there's a certain TCH in there that can

kind of calm the dog down but when I used that one I noticed that they

got sick they kind of threw up yeah when I used the one without TCH I could see

that there was you know so that that that little experiment it was better to use the one without it

and my dog isn't Super Hyper so it doesn't have that Super Hyper side to it where where you would you know or get

anxious when it's got to go to bed or you know a dog that gets all fearful when they hear fireworks and stuff like that so

you know and then he told me that too he goes a lot of times around the Fourth of July a lot of people come in for this uh

you know an anxiety for their animals but I was really and so I asked him about myself right I said okay you know

I'm an older guy I said I'm not interested in any TCH of anything at all because I don't want that I don't ever want to be tested that I have it being

with uh you know because I still kind of work with the police department right I said I don't want to be having this uh

and so he showed me product and he goes now if you start taking this

he goes and then he said you can do half doses of this because what my father does you know he has he had a his dad's

my age and for sure enough that I could see that there was a little bit more uh I

was able to work out a little bit better I was you know I felt a little bit better so

there's definitely an education process that's not there because

because there's two sides within industry right there's the one that's abuses it because it's just a you know it's just your local pot shop where you

can go in and say I got glaucoma so I need to be able to get my pot for the night and and and do it or there's some

real medicinal purposes that that help those with maybe chemotherapy

and stuff like that and it's just not talked about the the medical side of things because I

think everybody thinks it's just a a TCH thing and that's just not the case exactly no and it really isn't the case

I mean if you're going to be losing the

day the THC in the medicinal marijuana makes a difference because in a

dispensary if you're going to do a dispensary because we have to be honest sometimes we just you know people just

want it and they don't know what they're what they're ingesting and to be uh to be scientific we have uh cannabinoids in

our system already so that that that'll look for each other and it'll click it'll it'll hang on to each other and

when we ingest it or we smoke it or we Vape it or however it is it's getting into our system skeletally you know uh

but the CBD in itself by itself it is natural with no hallucinogen

because the only thing that THC is is a hallucinogen so it gives you that floaty

type of feeling where I take this is my this is my mint tincture I have a

tincture and I take my mint Tincher I do my my half of drop in the mornings and I

feel that I have control over things that I don't overthink things that I have a

clearer mind of where I'm going and what I'm doing on a daily basis and so it has given me the difference I didn't have

this before and a month into using this it has given me a lot more than I ever

had before even going to the gym so there's a difference between the medicinal marijuana use and the abuse

that others have because they still sell it illegally industry and it's not clean

I would take a dispensary medicinal marijuana any day compared to anything

else because I know they watched it I know they they know where the farm came from they know where it grew from they

know where the lab is from they know they've tested it and so this is what we want we want those tests just like when

we go to the doctor and we tell the doctor okay take all these tests and tell me how I'm doing humanly am I doing

fine they're like yeah all your levels are great so I rather take it from a dispensary for medicinal purposes and

CBD yeah that's it is an amazing product to be honest especially for us

all right for our pets too I have a cat so I'm about to give my cat some CBD

yeah you know that's where it all started with is um yeah I saw it make my dog feel better and so I'm like okay well if the dog's

feeling better I wonder if I feel better so uh and you know and and and I was real

adamant I said zero TCH man I did not want none of that so and and he explained to me and he showed me several

things and his opinion on what he felt is good and what you know and and so it

was it was quite an education when you go in there you know what I mean it's uh it's you know that store is very busy

that they make a lot of money oh trust me yeah when I tell you if you could

take a moment to look into the industry from when it started to where the where

we are today our projections are to 20 30.

in the billions in the building so I yeah soon

[Laughter] I don't know that's good well let's talk

about something else that you that that you know I hear that you know you were in Daniella's book

on uh in in the domestic violence so this is something else that you have quite a heart for is that correct yes

you wrote a chapter in a book yes I did uh as I was a facilitator for

that very thing I facilitated a curriculum called moving on for women coming out of incarceration

and many of the women coming out of incarceration I saw a trend as to why

they had gone to jail and many of them were in jail for domestic dispute uh

domestic violence many were with stories that were very light almost like a like

a fight in argument and nor in normalities we take it as it's normal

people argue all the time it's it's normal but to be honest from a

facilitator's point of view it really isn't normal that is toxic in a relationship

and so when you want to be able to tell them that there's a consequence behind

that toxic Behavior well this is why teaching them and showing them

the right way of doing things became one of my missions so as a facilitator for

domestic violence I then realized I'm living in domestic violence myself

so it doesn't domestic violence is not the word violence the way we look at it

domestic means that it's someone you know someone Close to You someone within your domicile

the violence part we added that word and I've always cringe when I say it it is a

domestic interaction that turns violent

and so the interaction begins with the yelling and screaming and the name calling and then you just escalated and escalate and escalate it and I realized

that I was also going through that same thing my ex-husband

was a law enforcement officer

and so I made it a little difficult for me to say but wait a minute we're on this side of the law

but it's unlawful to have a domestic dispute with your partner so how would you upholding the

law the way you are yet being the perpetrator

to this relationship and

I had to get out of it I had to get out of it I was in it for a really long time I was very lost as a person as a woman

and being this facilitator and helping others at the same time like I said I

applied it to myself as becoming the master of my reasoning and Rehabilitation my moving on my my

motivational interviewing I took all of that in and I said oh my gosh wow

I didn't realize it come years later Nikki Cuesta is our

bomb leader uh leader and Our Ladies of leadership leader

and thanks to her and our relationship she's actually my cousin my uncle is

married to her mom they've been together for over 30 years so hi Titi hi Theo uh

and so through Nikki's ladies of leadership I met Daniella and we talked

and there was a group of women and I was like oh my gosh should I say my story should I tell and I never had done that

before not at this level and so it was a nice connection uh I was

able to pick chapter eight and my chapter eight was peace of mind and

that's exactly what I wanted out of this relationship I just wanted peace of mind like I just wanted to be peaceful I wanted it

to be like the white picket fence that I saw growing up in the 80s darn it and it wasn't and it was a big shocker to me

that life was not what I saw on television and I left uh I left I I saved myself I

went through so much oh my gosh I don't know how many Rock bottoms I was able to touch but now I wear Beach shoes those

those little shoes that you wear in the beach so that way you don't touch the Rocks I wear those now

and I've been out of the relationship for a really long time I regained my my

self-respect I regained my dignity and through this book I was able to purge

whatever was left so thanks to Daniela Roman thanks to AMA uh behind closed

doors is a third volume she's now currently working on a third volume and these are just women who have survived

and have leveled to a different place in their lives and then as Leaders of Our

Lives we must not ever take abuse from anybody no it doesn't matter

who it is no it doesn't matter the relation it doesn't matter the political uh office title it doesn't matter your

position it really doesn't matter a human to a human should never abuse another human in any capacity

yeah I agree with that I think that's that I agree with that I think that you

know we we see a lot I've I've spoken about this in some of these uh men groups also because we see that

it's very prevalent in the to talk about domestic violence and for females but I'll tell you there's a there's there's

another uh side to that also that males go through

but on a male side it's just like you just need to shut up about it because uh

you know you talk about stuff like that you kind of look weak so you know and

that's the stigma Mark there's that there's just a side of that's right it is true that is the

stigma yeah that's the stigma to tell you on uh

my groups the running groups for women I was running

groups with men I ran groups with men who did 20-year bids 30-year bids

and they turned their lives around to me the odd one out I know nothing about

their backgrounds I've never stood a day in their shoes I didn't understand their lingo but what I did get was that they

all were emotionally deprived of expression

and so with that comes frustration and out of frustration comes your behavior which becomes your act

whether you do it positive or you do it negative it's still an act within yourself so the group of men to be

honest many of them turn their lives around many of them uh gave their their

relationships another opportunity I had a chance for them to come back to me and tell me little changes here and there

and I probably like I said before I lost about one or two percent back to the prison because of the way they were

thinking but but I actually catered this uh RNR and Mi to my my mail folks so

trust me when I tell you express yourself babes

yeah that's a uh that's a super hard um that's a super hard pill for for males

to follow to uh you know Express themselves you know what I mean it's it's in our world

especially you know when I went through a divorce and how how I went through it 20 years

ago I remember the anger that you know and especially

type 8 men like myself you know a very type a type of Personality that if I

didn't get my anger under control it's gonna control me and so I I I went

to a six-month anger management class to try and figure out how to uh put this uh elsewhere you know

what I mean how to do that and I'll tell you when I went there there's a lot of them that are mandated by court that

they had to do this yeah and so and I'm not a big uh I don't really like sitting around a group of of guys

on you know most men don't like to sit around and sing Kumbaya and tell everybody their Woos and and their stories but I'll tell you this man when

I was sitting there I'm like man I'm mild compared to some of these guys holy smokes man these guys were

on another level of anger you know what I mean yeah and so uh

um I said you know I was like man if I don't have this under control I

could be this next if I'm not careful and so I remember that I remember doing

that myself because I had children and I had a business that I that I built

and I had children watching me and I was super angry it was not fun to be around and I was and I'm dangerous

because I could do you know because of my training and I didn't want that to

change my my life's trajectory because of what I would be capable of doing to

somebody so I did that I did that on my own it's interesting that you know you're the second uh female I've talked

to that when they talk about these groups that you have a group of men that you talk to it's interesting to me

that you you I I don't know again maybe you come to come to it in a different perspective when you sit with a group of

men I'm not really sure because you're coming to it from the female perspective I I don't know how how did you how did

you communicate with that how did you communicate with these guys I I don't

I don't take it on a view of

judgmental I keep my judgments and my expectations

to a minimum or or a nun to a lull I learned that

I also have the skill to empathize

and the empathy is huge when you are faced with these egos because these egos

are huge and big let me tell you they they took their time building these and so when you are and it's so funny

how I heard you say and it's very common because they all said the same thing many of my many of my clients were

mandated by court so it's either that or go back to jail and so the choices there were very

minimal too absolutely and there's a ton of them too that I don't have a choice I

have to go okay so they show up first of all I I was trained to deal

with resilience and resistance I roll with the punches I roll with you baby absolutely you know why because

behind your no and behind your resistance is a judge waiting for you to

say I'm back so what is your better choice

stay here and hang out with me for seven weeks or go back to jail

and so I put it back in their Court to either comply or don't comply because to

actually to tell you the truth I love where I'm at I don't have to be here I can just call

out tomorrow and have somebody substitute for me and so when I gave them an approach when

I learned how to maneuver the ball back into their court and

serve it to them as a choice of you know what I really want to stay by the time

my groups got to level 12 and we have 14 sessions

they didn't want to go they actually wanted it extended they wanted to call the judge and tell them can I come back

most of them told me can I give this to my girlfriend

Mark I don't know if I was Pig chosen interesting but when I was doing these

groups it was it was a really great way to understand that you know men we all

have emotion it's not a male or female it's an emotion it's it's it's sexless

emotions are sexless and so what we do with them makes them feminine and and

and male what we tend to do with our emotions I don't know if it was Darwin who said it we all have a dark side I'm

sorry to tell you but we're all born with both sides the side that we choose to encourage and nurture is the side

that we live off of and uh we can sit back and reflect and say you know what I'm really happy I chose that side

you said it yourself and I picked it up as a jewel I don't know it's just embedded in me but you picked it up

yourself because when you did go and realize the self-realization is the very

first step to your self-relationship and when you realize that your anger was

getting the best of you that you saw there was a pattern and you came to that realization that Mark told Mark either

you get yourself straight or you're gonna lose what you got you took yourself to a six-month program

you took yourself yes that sat around and did not want to sit there and talk about their problems but

that is the problem the the uh what is it the uh the apprehension the thought itself is like

what that's preposterous I could never be in a group of men talking about my emotions and feelings are you crazy

and so there it becomes male and female but other than that emotions are sexless

and so you took the right Road you chose your family so that's a commitment you

made to your family you chose them same reflection where I'm at I chose my

family even though I left them behind I chose my family to come here because this is where I want to build for my

family and as a cancer colon cancer survivor thank you Father God for my second

opportunity I will now not ever take advantage or granted not that I did

before but now I do it with more with more position with more intent uh to be

able to give more to and leave to my children before my time is up physically because I know spiritually I'll be

around for years yes definitely I agree with that too I'll definitely be around for years so

you're telling me that you also um you had about with cancer that you beat is that what you said yeah

um in 2020 we got the layoffs we got we got the coven we got the stay-at-home

type of thing but I had always gone through IBS and and just issues with the colon in

the stomach uh and then all I was ignoring it for a while I have a high tolerance of pain I

don't know if other people do but I know I could be with pain for like a long long time until I finally say okay I'm

done I I have to do something about this and so 2020 I was laid off I was at a

television station in New Haven Connecticut shout outs to Citizens TV that was my first uh debut as a as a

producer and uh so we got laid off I stayed home with like stomach pains

and stomach problems and in July I went to Yale New Haven Hospital I went to go

get checked and nothing came of it because in the same time and space I

don't know remember when I told you earlier that I came to Puerto Rico to look for my biological mom

in that same space my sister came

and she says hey uh we got news from the doctors that Mom got covered

in the hospital in Florida and I said oh okay all right so what do

we do I mean what are we doing and she said well we have to go there and I said we have to go there I said okay so then

what do we do let's let's do this and so my sister came over she did the

arrangements we spoke to the hospital the hospitals told us uh we could come in on the 7th of August and they were

and then we called them they called us back the next day and said no you need to be here before the first of August so

we were able to go out there eventually that week of August of 2020 she passed

away and I thought nothing of it I knew I was doing these processes with my sister so

I took on the responsibility and that was all I was focused on so other than the pain I was feeling

like I said I have a high tolerance of pain I wasn't thinking of the pain I was thinking of what am I doing here what do

I have to do I'd never done a funeral before I've never done burials before I've never done anything before

and so this was a new experience for me especially dealing with my biological mother

uh we had her cremated and signed off the certificate we took the cremation

box to Puerto Rico where her last wish my sister said was to be buried in her

hometown which is where I was born in Calle Puerto Rico and so in Calle Puerto

Rico that's where she's residing right now in the old Cemetery

and when I came back you know that gave me Nostalgia that gave me that gave me

thought deep thought I never had it before ever and so after we bury her here it was a

very deep rooted kind of like a pool it was almost like a Like A Soulful pull to say listen you

need to come back to Puerto Rico and so I did that I said yeah I'm gonna

move back to Puerto Rico I'm gonna come back I'm gonna come back I made I was decided like I went through stuff in my

head and I was decided and my pain in December got to the point where I was

close to 123 pounds I was very I pulled

and pale and one of my best best friends my mom has a house here and she invited

me over that weekend and she says girl you don't look good actually this is one of my girls from Connecticut and she

goes you don't look good and her mom was like yeah you don't look good I said yeah I have this pain right here on the

on the right side of my hip underneath my hip bone but I really don't know what it is and it feels like a ball

they were like you need to go back to New Haven you need to go back to the hospital you need to go get checked Mark I had forgotten about me and my

health when that happened with my mom and Puerto Rico and helping her go through

the process I still haven't grieved her loss and it's going to be three years so it's been three years

but when I got back to New Haven I went straight to the hospital from the airport I did an MRI the doctor called

me the next day after looking at the MRI I had an appointment December 18th with

uh the oncologist in New Haven Connecticut I got a biopsy that day

December 23rd was my Christmas gift and it was positive for cancer colon cancer

and the very next words coming out of my mouth was what's next

what's the next step and grateful

that I'm here I am my second birthday is January 11. uh 2021

and um yeah um cancer level two stage a or stage two

level a and it was the most it's an experience to tell you the least

but that's another show Mark it is you know I was you know there's a lot to

unpack with you manage a special a special woman it's it's it's been fun kind of

you know there's a lot of things on this interview I've let you talk a lot because I just you know I'm kind of you've opened my eyes a little bit to an

industry that you know has stigma attached to it you know what I mean I'll be honest you know

even when I was like and I'm like man what are we going to talk about today because you know this pot thing can go two ways right it can go two two Avenues

right and I knew that I wanted to have a little bit more because I've experienced I've experienced

uh it helping um you know Ivy's on here too she says dang

here in those birds you have cancer life changing moment as she went through that herself I'm gonna get ivy on my show I'm

telling you my shoes yeah she's another Powerhouse female that's my girl we see

each other I've had some awesome I've had some awesome yeah I've had some

yeah it's been good I've had some awesome female guests on here man it's it's been good I I'd like to unpack it a

little bit more because I keep hearing through our throughout our our interview today is like it's spotty here and there

right I'm like what is the deal with the internet I don't know if it's on my side of your side and and so I want to listen

through it again and make sure that we have something very clear because I think we I'd like to have another

another portion with you because especially when it comes to cancer you know I lost my

nephew my my sister's middle son who's a firefighter we lost him to cancer three three years

ago and it was a devastating a devastating loss and

you know it that that you know it's still it's still like it was yesterday and then you know

to listen to you I'd like to hear what the next side of it the next side of it was because you know each everything we

talked about could be a whole show uh dealing with anger because I'd like to dabble into into the female side of that

we always talk about men's anger issues but we never talk about it there's female Anglers you know what I mean yeah

especially Puerto Rican women

they are what the what is it that we had the boomerang

when the boomerang was invented they copied that off the chocolate and Puerto Rico

Emilio said the same thing

that's funny so this this was a great hour this was an awesome hour for me I I look

forward to that if you're up for it I am I'd like to put you on the calendar again I'd like to I'd like to dabble

into a a few more a few more things with you you up for you up for that with me yeah absolutely I am honored to be asked

again uh to be on here all right I had a great time and um yeah yeah I hope your audience did too

it's good you know now that we've had a little bit of a talk I you know I'll process this show a little bit more

because I think I'd like to dabble into some of the questions a little bit more now that I've you know I've got to talk

to you a little bit I I I'd really uh I'd really like to to unfold unpack some

more stuff sound good I would be honored yeah yeah I had such a

yes it was uh yeah it was it was it was really good man I really I really uh was educated matter of fact

you know I I it's it's funny these shows that you you know because in my mind I'm

like man I gotta get focused I got to get focused because all weekend I've been dealing with Ashley you know this you know I didn't get home till late

last night we finally got to see her out of surgery you know which makes you you know feel better once that once once I

got to see her that okay yeah she she's a little warrior she's going to get out of this no problem and then you know

it's a big letdown on the way here and I'm and I'm trying to get focused on the show and I'm like and then it turns out

to be just this one of the good ones right one of the awesome ones and of course it's a spotty internet when it's

a really good one it's just you know this is just life is just such a whack it is it's fun though it's fun it's fun

to go through that um one question for you mark let me ask you something it is

so you're saying that the young lady that's in the hospital she's your student

Ashley Sage is one of my main main instructors here one of my main females

here she's a a a huge leader she's 24 she lost her mom to cancer three years

ago she takes care of a 28 year old older sister that has extreme

um autism and special needs and she has a younger sister so these three girls

are all together on themselves and you know she's kind of the uh the rock that

keeps things together and I've kind of Taken on that Dad role ever since you know mom's been gone I've I've taken on

that role of of being like her father wow and so there's a lot of things to unpack when it when it when that happens

but yeah that's who she is I'm so happy that you are there that you're there because when we become

that leader when we become that dependent upon person it isn't easy for us to receive help

from others or ask for help from others because we take on that leadership role that we can do it all our own

and so you being there oh you being there has given her more

level up with her own thinking that has brought her through where she's at today

because her martial arts training her endurance taking care of her sisters

taking on these roles that has made her strong mentally and physically and now spiritually probably because she has

time now to kind of figure out where is she going perhaps life

has been talking to her and she's not listening and this may be a wake-up call

for something that she needs to mention we've had yes we definitely

that we've definitely had we've definitely had that so we've definitely had that talk so I appreciate it yeah

that was really good I appreciate the hour Addie super uh super fun amazing I look forward to our next go around all

right all right we'll see you soon

[Music] listening to real talk with Mark Cox real life real topics real conversation

we're passionate about motivation Fitness self-defense weight loss and

coming at it from a real angle we hope you've gotten some useful and practical information from this show and we hope

you had fun we know we did we'll be back soon but in the meantime hit us up on

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till next time keep it real

“Behind the Sash: Adelaida’s Advocacy & Evolution” #117

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