“Championing Mental Health: A Deep Dive with Dr. Robb Kelly” #116

Transcript

have you been looking for a podcast to help you transform your physical and

mental one that'll shoot you straight between the eyes with truth and no BS

helping you have the right mindset to accomplish things the Iron Will in

fortitude to follow through with what you say you're going to do no excuses

Mark owns martial arts schools and after 30 years he has some real insight for

real talk real life real conversations motivational Fitness self-defense weight

loss live from the great one eight this is real talk with Mark Cox

[Music]

[Music] there we go we're live

we're live we're live good morning doc how you doing doing great mom thanks for having me it's going to be a good one this next hour is going to be freaking

awesome that is right I'm looking forward to this this uh the energy you

bring and and the wisdom you bring and let's see what we can do to help some other people that have these uh

addictions because I've I've I've had this in my own family let alone uh students of mine that have I've had

caught and then fallen into addiction themselves matter of fact I have students that will walk the streets

right around me right here that I taught as kids that are hooked on Fentanyl and

crying on my shoulder and I just it's hard for me to I just don't know how to how to help anymore until the they make

it make a decision on themselves to help themselves I'd imagine so yeah definitely that's 100 true well let me

give you a quick introduction we have today we have Dr Rob Kelly whose PhD he's a sought after recovery expert who

believes in treating the causes of addiction and not the symptoms Dr Kelly has appeared on such shows as the

doctor's eye opener good morning Texas and what's that Kent is that is that

Ken's five morning news is that there in Texas yes something there that's great a frequent contribute to

radio and print interviews including the Jim Bannon show Miracles in recovery USA Today

and participating in McLean Hospital's Harvard Medical School study on the stigma and associated with mental

illness also as it says here Dr Kelly you created let's get back to 98 recovery

DVDs used in prison and Recovery treatment centers throughout the U.S he's lectured on addiction and Trauma at

high profile universities national conferences treatment facilities Public Schools churches business organizations

hospital and Dr Kelly's currently a CEO of the Rob Kelly Recovery Group an

addiction and mental illness recovery coaching company awesome pedigree

well let's talk about it let's talk about where it was before you were before you were Dr Rob

let's talk about the early days on where uh where you were that makes it so easy for you to relate to people today

well I was born into a musical family but I was also born into an alcoholic family which I didn't know then back in

the 60s you know I was born in 61. nobody knew about alcoholism certainly mental health wasn't on the agenda

nobody knew about that either so I took my first drink at the age of nine on a

stage with my Auntie and Uncle playing in a band in Liverpool on a Friday night

and we just done the first sets and I was so nervous I came after my uncle said Hey try one of these and it gave me

a van I drank it down straight away and all my nerves and all my anxiousness just disappeared instantly right there

and then I knew that I was this was going to be the the uh the drink I was going to say in my life because it took

all the anxiety away took all the nerves away and uh every Friday and every

Friday night first of all and then going through my teens every Friday Saturday and Sunday night I would take this drink

before I went on stage no more though just that drink and then obviously throughout the years it just escalated

but obviously never had a problem with it um so yeah it was just it was really

really good for me I really enjoyed it no bad things ever happened in the early days you know and then going into 20s

nothing really happened and then all of a sudden boo it took over my life and I lost everything

so I've read so you have a book out also and I read a little bit on your on your

episode that you became homeless yourself is that correct yeah I did 14 months on the streets of Manchester

what was that kind of life like I remember for the very first night I'm thinking how the hell did I get here

uh even outcome from the projects uh I made something of myself and I lived in

a very nice house nice cars two children beautiful wife all the stuff and lastly

also the first night is like holy [ __ ] what just happened there how did that go all along

um and then on you know after a few more I was I was a I was I was a fighter

boxing karate stuff like that and I was a bodybuilder as well so you know I won the Under 21s the UK and and you know a

bunch of times I was a big guy that was nasty as well when he drank because I could look after myself so the first few

months was a bit I don't know it was like fighting most days bare knuckle fighting for money or if I couldn't get

any money I'd go steal and hurt somebody for money or rub them at night time coming out with the Discord set some

nice nightclubs so I gotta admit though Mark after about six or seven months I got quite comfortable on the streets

you know I'm like a chameleon I can adapt to any situation and uh I quite enjoyed it and then the suicide attempts

calm and then on two occasions it worked and I was dead on the side of the road and the EMTs brought me back to life again

and I hated them guys for that but yeah it was just uh I write it down the

streets the natural facts I think the figure the figures in Manchester back then was 97 there were homeless would

die on the streets and three percent were lucky enough to get off and I was going to live three percent

um but until the last day I was on the streets I never thought I had a problem

I also I was bad luck you know going through this it'll be okay um but nobody would speak to me everyone

disowned me my parents brother and sister my wife uh she wanted to see the

children um I was abandoned on the streets and like I said at suicide attempts you know

drinking myself to Oblivion every single day and night just sleeping on the bus shelters sleeping under bushes and it's

just a horrible horrible lifestyle I remember one one morning woke up and again next to me on the next bench to me

been stabbed to death for his sneakers that's the kind of environment I was around it was very very very dangerous

of environment very dangerous it's it's it's it's this way you know I

didn't realize we have a lot of stuff in common well first of all we're born in the same year I was born in 61 also and in here and of course doing uh

martial arts and stuff like that lifting weights like I did we have that in common but I didn't I

didn't realize that I didn't I didn't know that that she did some martial arts and everything else back in the day did you do it old school back in the in in

the in the uh in the 70s when it was blood and guts karate I did late 70s

probably 76 77 I think Bruce Lee just come out uh it's been a shelter count

got my first band uh very soon I went to some fights obviously it was not contact

back in the day but yeah did boxing as well just you know I could look after myself there's no doubt about that

uh so that that took me through the streets I mean that guy that was there on the streets was vicious was nasty it

was very protective very guarded very wary of people he's still to this day and I bet you're on the same Mark I will

never sit in a restaurant where my back is towards the door never first thing I do when I go in is a lot for an Escape

Route and a lot for the what I think is the nastiest person that would cause me trouble in a fist bite I look at where

he is what he's going to do and how long it would take for him to get over to me every single time and this has been

going on for over 30 years not forever has there been an incident but I will always be that way I will always protect

whoever I'm walking by like my wife always walks uh on the right side of me when I'm walking down the road on the

left side of my protect her at all times and I'm just one of those guys today that we

have guns around the house you know stuff like that but we have a lot of cameras and alarm systems but somebody brought through my house I broke into my

house and there was a threat to my family and I'm going all out yep yep me and we'll we're set from

we're definitely uh on the same cloth as far as that goes I still do that today I don't it's the movie theaters everything

you know my kids think about things as well it's like you know you can't say concealed weapon or in Texas now it's

just open carry no one gives a [ __ ] but um I want to know where the exits are you know and I want to know I want to be

set when somebody walks in they don't have direct fire at me you know so I can get down for a bit and then maybe you

know but it's all the crazy stuff that we go through Martin that other people probably don't understand but you know

I'm I'm kind of on guard 24 hours a day there's no doubt about that yeah definitely definitely the same the same

you know I've got a little bit of law enforcement behind me also so me too I always you know I always have that I

was watching my back or whatever so back to the street things and asked this question because you know there's it's

prevalent here I don't know how it is in in Texas but I'm telling you here in Los Angeles it is prevalent yeah I'd like to

know what your your expert opinion is on on I have so much homeless just in my area and they have shelters

but you know it's only 25 occupied because they don't really want to go in the shelters yeah and they're kind of

Built Well the shelters also they'll allow you to leave and you can get high all day and come back but the thing is

you can't you can't have uh you can't have coffee you can't have uh microwaves

you can't have everything in your room you can go out and do whatever you want all day and it's like a I don't know

it's kind of an upgrade of prison I guess so yeah I guess I can see why people don't really want to go in there

you feel that it's the same for people on the street do you think shelters are something people need did you ever go to

one yourself oh yeah I went to a few shelters because I just didn't want to sleep you've got my number in England Manchester they The

Summer's like over three or four weeks the rest is cold and the Christmas time is snowing and you know below zero so

yeah I've used them I think I think they offer see back back about 20 years ago they offered something that homeless

people didn't have and they were very successful but you have to look we've studied everything to do we don't just

do an alcohol on drugs it's child of traumas depression it's all sorts of crazy stuff we deal with but a lot of

people on the streets today want to be on the streets okay now a lot of them or might go into a a drug place or an

addiction or something alcoholism because of the situation but I thought I

just think we need more education around what alcoholism and addiction is we need to look at our vets and go hey what the hell are we doing with these guys with

you know they're fighting for for our freedom and they come on we're talking like [ __ ] you know I think I think

there's a lot of stuff there's a lot of money in recovery sorry there's a lot money in sickness is not a lot of money

in recovery so what I mean by that is if the pharmaceutical companies can't give you a pill or stick you in a treatment

center for 30 days for 25 Grand nobody's really interested now the psychiatric hospital has got less and less going

through the 80s and 90s and that was no sustaining apart from a little Ward they used to be a psychiatric hospitals

there's not anymore so where did they go they get arrested and go back on the streets and you know a lot of people like to live on the streets those who

don't get a 25 probably use the shelters but we need a whole new look at this as

far as I'm concerned and and guys and that just popped up I'm you know 62 I

know with 30 years experience and probably 8 000 people have helped just over you know I've lived on the streets

I've been on the streets I've studied on the streets in in Los Angeles and Dallas and San Antonio you know I get amongst

them and find out what's going on the real problem is and it's just it seems like education when I was on the street

smart I met doctors I met scientists I met CEO was a big corporations not just

C over acre big big corporations like you know shell and and stuff like that

there's a mixer on the streets for different reasons but I think when it comes to drugs and alcohol depression

childhood trauma we need a different lot with a different attitude and I think that's what we brought to the addiction

world is I am loud and brown you can't shut me off I'm going to say something what I'm going to say uh I uh got into

the last little TV with the Purdue attorney and I fought him on live TV that could do nothing about it and the

very next day they file for bankruptcy he's like I don't give a [ __ ] something needs to be done and I'm the guy to say

it you know and I thought I'd watch your background I don't give a [ __ ] what are you gonna do to me that I haven't

already done to myself well you're gonna beat me up I I'm 62 but I doubt it very much I doubt it very

much you know are you gonna assume why are you gonna see me you know it's like

my turn is more powerful than you so shut up let's talk about the truth I'm

not taking any [ __ ] I don't [ __ ] anybody I don't answer to anybody you know I used to answer to people with the

psychology board in Texas but we it's a coaching company I don't answer nobody apart from God and my wife the rest can

kiss my ass gotta someone's got to start changing the situation and you know there's a bunch of us out there

doing including yourself mark yeah that's that's a super powerful doc you know it's it's the kind of men that's

needed um for sure and the only kind of men that could sometimes can do it is the ones that's been down the road and have

uh you know well I guess for short men have the balls to stand up and say what needs to be said you gotta do yeah and if you

haven't been there mark you can't what the hell well what can you teach what can you say you know oh well I've got a

masters in in counseling what good for you but have you been on the streets where you have to stop people to survive

I stabbed my wife three times one night one night mark because she won't let me finish my bottle of vodka you think

somebody going to a five-year college degree on therapy would understand that no they won't understand that but you

talk to another alcoholic or coach who's been in my position and they'll go oh yeah I do exactly the same man it's a

different different level now you can counsel people all over here but I think you're an alcoholism if you have an

experience I'm sorry if I upset a few people living you cannot do the job that we need it done we can't do it I totally

well that start that's that's also the uh the the coach that's going to tell you how to lose weight but it's never been fat so uh yeah

I just lost 107 pounds Mark over the last 18 months

now so maybe a little bit more but yeah that's something else that you and I have in common I'm down 127 pounds and I

was an athlete and I'm an athlete and uh I was just always had a big dude and and

you know had a couple of uh you know scares with uh blood clots in the lungs and then a pancreatitis scare here just

a few a few months ago that was pretty painful for three days in the hospital it sucked

and no but then again you have to have some kind of a mindset well some shit's gonna have to change if I don't change

it to somebody else you know it's got It's got it's got to do what it's got to do I'd like to know what you think on the on the what why is

it that there's you know the homeless is one thing did you experience it on the

street when you were there why do they hoard so much what is the reasoning for the hoarding I

mean the homelessness is one thing being in the thing but taking up the sidewalk with all kinds of [ __ ] trash and every

other freaking thing uh what what where where does that come from where's the hoarding issues

I'm gonna tell you the answer and something might be freaked out by but hey it comes from charge of trauma this

comes from everything being taken away all the childhood abuse that's the gateway drug charge of trauma I don't

mean what you're reading I mean real childhood trauma let's go deep into uh what trauma looks like it's not Big T

and small teeth forget that [ __ ] it's hard to use teas how that affects we've been rubbed of everything I did

the same we'd have everything taken up and the only piece of power we have is

the stuff that we hard on the streets the stuff you see the old woman all man with the shopping cart full of stuff

that's the only thing that gives them power today so hey Christopher Ross good

to see you man good to see you um yeah so um you know it's just it's that

lack of it's that being abandoned for so long uh because I know that's what I

felt on the streets I felt very very abandoned and I was abandoned and I suffered from that most of my life

abandonment and I'll never be tall enough thin enough blond enough or Rich enough you know it's like when I get

this and I want more so it's all part of that holding either psychologically or stored in the mind because the mind sits

inside the brain it's not the same entity um so that's how when you look at the Mind itself or what it's capable of

doing that the energy and the power that we have as human beings you'll be blown away what you can achieve

mm-hmm this is powerful yeah Christopher's on saying hi I had him on last week and boy

I tell you the the similarities are you know he's a no-nonsense guy too he's freaking awesome you've got to be

today's world Chris Christopher thank you man I mean and you you know Mark you take some balls to stand up because

first of all first of all especially with me in the medical fraternity first of all they wanted to discredit me he

didn't go to college he's not English whatever he [ __ ] wants you know he's crazy and then they mock you oh I don't

be stupid but you know at the end of the day I think I'll listen to you especially if you're doing what we're doing we've got

to listen to you you know and that's the most important thing I think if you have a vision and and that's why I teach

people every day when they when they want to achieve something you know it's not only that I'll visualize something

I'll get it no it doesn't work like that man you've got to visualize it through a period of uh appointments with with

someone who knows what they're doing then you've got to attach that chemical so that feeling that that visualization

does so like if I give you a thousand dollars now all of a sudden you're gonna feel wow that's awesome you're going to

feel a bit happy and you know why well you just give me a thousand dollars well no no it's not like there's a chemical

released in your brain we don't know what it is yet we're studying and it's not dopamine any of the known ones and

why did are you capable of of producing that chemical that certainly to a better place right there and then without me

giving you a thousand dollars hundred percent hundred percent that's the key to life but you have to attach the feeling to

the futuristic of vision or what you want to be you have to touch a feeling what would it be like if I'm already

there how would I feel and what happens is that produces the chemical which reduces the actions behavioral and back

out into the world but it has to be attached to how I would feel now if I was CEO of a multi-trillion dollar

company how would that feel right now so what we do to guys who are coming up I

want to make something of themselves is we take them to the post interviews and you sit them in the car then we take

them to the houses and we walk around you see there's a chemical attached to that placement in that Porsche while

it's sat there and basically what happens if you can connect the feeling with the chemical with the visualization

then you will get there but when you do get there the mind doesn't go holy [ __ ]

I don't belong here oh my God look it's so expensive now although mine does is goes apart I remember this place I

belong here interesting that's powerful that's powerful stuff right there doc boom baby

let's do it let's say yeah yeah we got those we got the gun

show for sure I tell it to my kids all the time I said

hey man the show's sold out and they said what's your dad I said the gun show is sold out bro that's what sold out

I tell my kids that all the time well doc let's talk about let's talk about your book how did you how did you how

did you decide to go ahead and write a book what's that about well I was against it you know and

everyone kept saying you got right but you got right but but the interesting thing about the book is I lived in Dallas for about 12 years

before I moved to San Antonio and talk about show me your friends I'll show you future I said to my guys I'm thinking

about a book and emotion went now I don't be silly you're not an author you can't do that that's just stupid never

wrote a book when I came to San Antonio some four or five years ago and got a new set of powerful peeps around me and

I said to him you know something I'm thinking of writing a book and they all said oh my God I thought he already had books out there I would buy it now so

this is how he came across little scribbles on Bits of Paper to my wife Janet Kelly or voicemails on my phone

center over a period of about three years and she put it all together she

unbelievable what she did and and she'd come up with this amazing book now the crazy thing is guys I've never ready

too painful for me I can't I can't do that right now but

wait she sent it off we we got it we got it published and then just before we got

it published we my daughter got in contact with me on messenger two three o'clock in the morning went over there

to see her and we hugged and cried and walked into her living room she handed me my three-month-old granddaughter and

that Bond was done but we didn't have a name for the book so we were telling Charlie there's

nothing in for the book and she said what about the last thing I said to you

and I'm like remind me so apparently I was in charge of the children being blackout and I've

been fed for two or three days I'll change diapers please pick them up kick the bill down uh mother-in-law was there

you know life was there Protection Services Child Protection Services the police they were all there and I was

wasting on the floor and these two little babies we've just sat there crying we served me with unfit father papers

and they took my children off me right there and then my youngest one ages one

was given to my wife and my eldest one uh sorry my mother I was wrong with my

wife and that they walked down the path I'm stood at the door feeling like the worst piece of [ __ ] ever and I've let

everybody down the field inside my body was just heartbroken I was crying the

police were one of the police officers were crying you know mum was crying but Charlie my eldest she said three things

to me the short down the pathway mommy's handling she's holding mommy's hand up here and she's turned around and says

Daddy Daddy please don't go and then she brought down the path probably about in the middle she turned

around again he said Daddy Daddy please get better as he got to the gate they opened the gate and she turned around one more time

and said Daddy Daddy please stop drinking and a few months after that Mark I was

on the streets but Daddy Daddy please stop drinking is the name of the book and we come up

with it so if you look if you're watching guys not listening uh that's my daughter and and that's obviously me

back in bed I was wasted there I was so drunk and wasted it was Unreal uh so you

know that's the title and obviously by me and I dedicated the whole book to her and and we published it and we we 98 of

stuff would give it away you know if somebody called oh new box signed up it's going to cost me it's like it's on

Amazon it's nine dollars you know but if you're like me I didn't want to play nine dollars on the box like just call

us messages I'll give you the same copy we'll even pay the postage you know so yeah it's just about giving it away free

I have a conference my first conference that I've put on with Adam Javelin and uh the 22nd 23rd in Boca Raton Florida

we'll have like 500 books everybody gets books free so it's not a money-making thing it's just to spread the message

thing yeah it's powerful and Doc you kind of got me on that one might even be misty

eyed a little bit thinking about it you know it's tough it's tough I'm a dad and uh I could still I could feel the

energy through the even through the call that's uh that's that's

tough stuff there for sure yeah that's real tough that's real tough so what do you think

um what's your opinion then as you go forward uh when you do your live coaching do do you want you do you have

a life coaching that you talk about is your do you look what's your fortune what's your Niche or do you have

multiple images that you kind of deal with do you deal with people that need better in business are you dealing do you deal with strictly with mindset and

how to deal with do you dabble deep into you know what causes people to do what

they do how does that work in your world what do you what is what is your Niche well with 8 000 patients and a 97

success rate the nearest one towards is 10 uh we have to have a secret showing

well we do we we will we will work with anybody if you want to better yourself

become a CEO if you want to kind of bad at that you have no confidence addictions childhood trauma depression

whatever it is if you want to build an Empire whatever it is we guarantee we're

going to get you there otherwise we refund you money but yeah we do how do we do it well we're the experts on

Neuroscience pertaining to the Mind pertaining to any addiction or feeling everybody has an addiction by the way

guys if you continue don't think again you do everybody has an addiction and everybody has children trauma so by

using the neural science around a neuroplasticity brain spotting psychology Behavioral

Science and neuro-linguistic programming amongst the daily one-hour day of a

90-day period via Telehealth on Zoom uh we get you to the place you want to be so when you have the assessment we ask

you in three months or three to six months time because it's a step down from daily uh what do you want to

achieve and you go well I want to win the lottery yeah you're not our guy go away well I want to become manager at

work I want to get in contact with my children I want to be the best husband around I want to build an Empire I I

don't want to be depressed I have I have a lot of trump whatever it is we run a program around you now these days we

only suck on four patients at any one time we don't take home anymore because it's just too busy right now you

know we're boxed up solid for the next goodness knows how long but yeah there's nothing we won't do

to make sure you get there so we have done all sorts of stuff so we had a guy

once who was suffering from Asperger's he was on you know the Spectrum I hate that word but they was and he was about

21 years old and his parents you know were desperately wanted him to have a normal life you know kind of have a

girlfriend which he never had and probably never would have without coming to us and

is fair with speaking to girls so after a couple of months I said okay we're going to kill all this didn't tell him

nothing didn't tell him anything but I got a pub in Dallas Texas

um as an Irish Pub uh and a friend Marius there and I hired 20 girls okay

20 really good looking models and they came into the office said here's the deal if I come to your table you know

I'm gonna pay for everything and you've got to mention Mustang cars because that's what he was into and paying

everybody I don't know 25 an hour it'll be a three hour deal I pay for all the meals but what happens is meaning went

in because I told him I was tucking in out for a meal and asked him to look around the pub and said if you could

have any girl in there who would you have so obviously a beautiful blonde that we'd hired he points at her so I

literally had to drag him over there and we sat down before I even knew what date was and I said hey girls who's going to join you blah blah blah it's my friend

and uh straight away one of the girls said I can't be too long I've got to go

down and put some money in the meeting so I don't want my Mustang being towed away well he was into Mustangs so they

got talking and a house on fire come out the next day and then three or four days later he had a girlfriend and got

married and have children that's the [ __ ] we do whatever it takes I will jump on a plane if you go missing I will find

you I would handcuff you and I will bring you back to the there to us to get

you well there's nothing I won't do that's awesome it's awesome doc what do

you think they uh well let's just say well I can I can probably attest just me personally you

know I don't really speak for others but I can tell you that because what I went through maybe I had you know I had a a

cousin that molested me when I was a kid it's probably why I am the protector I

am today right and it's just probably is what dictated uh my life because I'll make sure that it doesn't happen yes

yeah and uh I'll do anything on that on that end too to

facilitate that it doesn't happen but I see here now you know now that I have you I'd like to get some of your expert

opinions on and because in my world what I knew what I saw 20 years ago was students and and parents are way

different than what I'm seeing here today first of all I just don't recall

a lot of autistic kids unless they were hidden or or I just didn't see them like

like 15 to 20 years ago as prevalent as they are today yeah

why is that uh medication at Birth people gonna go what yeah there's no

medication in the 60s and it caused a lot of thalidomide and and distorted childbirth so I think that's a lot of it

and the other thing most people most people think that illnesses are

passed down and deformities and Cancers are passed down from generation uh alcoholism is passed down so alcohol

it's a born drug addicts are made but also all the diseases but when we look into and research this to the highest

what we found is it's not the disease that's passed down it's the way of living

it's the food it's the vitamins it's the you know the the surrounding so if I if

if my mama had inflammation on the knees let's say she had bad knees then there's a good chance that I will get bad knees

but it's not caught off Mom it's a deficiency it vitamins are food that the family's

been going through years and years and you change that deficiency is a good chance you won't have information uh on

the knees so I think that's a lot of it myself and the other thing is as well we've got to remember is breath work

breath work will add five years onto your life and listen to this every

Cancer's growth every illnesses every inflammation in the body grows or starts

in a hypoxic area and then in where the place where there's no Oxygen why is that well we

only grieve 25 of our lung capacity the reason you feel so good when you go

to the gym is not the exercise gonna blows somebody's mind it's this in between sets

that's why running is so intoxicating so when you get up in the morning guys here's those will make you feel amazing

clear mind make sure you you do the right thing every day yeah yeah ambitious you're happy

um because the reason why nobody wakes up ever laughing in the morning ever

is not it's like an oxygen so we get up we take 10 exaggerated breaths in the same at

noon same about five o'clock no illnesses can grow any further than they are the oxygen is rushed around the body

especially to the brain producing the four chemicals and dolphins dopamine serotonin opposites Olsen to happen

every day to make you happy this is the scientific research behind almost every

illness is what's really going on you know what's what's really happening here and

the more Gary Brecker good friend of mine he's the microbiologist that's blown all this apart this is mostly his

research that I'm talking about it's like you really need to know what's going on you know you really need to

know what you're suffering from and the doctor is not always right now when I say that docs before you start ringing

me up and saying that I'm being horrible let me tell you a statistic that we've been following for at least 20 years

every especially soccer mom every soccer mom that ends up

on cocaine or heroin especially started in the in the doctor's office so don't

come that [ __ ] doctors you need to be held responsible for another narcotics you're prescribing and getting

backhanders off the pharmaceutical companies don't the thing I don't know about that yeah everybody knows but no

one's going to say it yeah I'm saying it you know if you go to the doctor and it gives you a thumb narcotic get a second

opinion you'll be surprised how many times we don't need the medication we're being prescribed I I come to America and I'm

sure Britain's the same now people are on six eight medications at the same time and people second depression medication

right and they're still depressed it's like Gary Brecker says again you know how long you've been taking medication for depression for about 10 years when

did you think it was going to kick in what yeah instead of instead of when I

feel depressed and I said tonight I'm depressed I can't pull out of it you know I'll go to the doctors and we go to

the doctors and it gives us an SSR which is a release serotonin so what happens in a couple of weeks or a month time we

feel almost back to normal and we live with that the only problem is these two questions I want to ask how long are you

going to be able to take that medication answer rest of your life why the hell is nobody asking why my

serotonins love in the first place boom once you find out that answer which

is obviously uh sunlight social belonging and stuff like that you'll realize that the body creates everything

we need to create now let me tag that if you're suffering from serious depression

bipolar or the chemicals in the brain of change you need your medication what I'm saying if you're brand new with a

depression they're always thinking you have to take payments that's all or site meds or depression meds that there's

sometimes a way around that that's it that's powerful because if in

my own home my I don't think I would uh think that I I didn't really deal with depression I

don't think when I was a kid I don't really I don't remember that I really didn't have anxiety

but I'll tell you this a couple of my kids have both you know what I mean and I'm like my middle son my my 20 my 27

year old 28. and trying to talk to him and I'm like he sees me you know he sees how I am and

he's like Dad you know your raw raw stuff you know it doesn't get to me like it does to you it doesn't that's not

what motivates me and I'm like well what motivates you son besides your music or whatever

and uh he took it upon himself you know he he you know he had gotten overweight I could tell I said you sure you're just

not depressed because you don't like the way you feel and I said and somehow other friends of

them they all got together and decided hey we're going to do this weight loss thing and now he's you know he's in it for a 70 pound weight loss at this point

and I can see that he's different he speaks to somebody on a weekly basis he has somebody that he speaks with a

doctor that he speaks with I don't really think he's on medications per se but he definitely had a mind change

I see that more and more all the time with parents here that their kids are anxious to kids are anxiety

have kids that are still wearing masks for I don't know why you know what I mean I ask him I said why are you

wearing that some say I don't like the way I look so I just use my mask you heard the heard

of all this this type of anxiety in young kids how can you help a coach

uh help children with their anxiety I mean us coaches man we I tell everybody

I don't teach martial arts as much as I do consultations I can tell you that they're in my office they're crying they're this they're bullied they're

this yeah and I can't get to every school I mean some schools I'll just go to when it gets really bad I'll just

walk them to school myself and I'll walk around with them and usually I'm a big enough deterrent that

you know they stop but it doesn't really go the problem doesn't really go away them mentally yeah why do

you help a coach out well it's a couple of things the first question is someone's anxious is this guys are you

on Adderall vyvance or any stimulant because Adderall and the likes are just

amphetamine salts that's all they are the speed you know um are you on any of those medications

if they are that's the reason there's two things that happen if you suffer from depression you're thinking about the past and worry about the past that's

happened if you're anxious you worry about the future so when you look at fear that's always

tied with anxiety the federal future what's going to happen I don't know blah blah blah fear isn't real babies are

born with two fears the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises the rest are

man-made wait till your father gets on or if you're not past this exam if you don't get into college it's like beers

shut up stop putting on me the kids are in so much pressure these days with

having to do this having to do that it's like we need to back off on my little tiny bit you know the children eight

nine ten eleven twelve thirty five should not be on Admiral period that was there was a point in the United States

of America and I became a citizen four years ago so I took this [ __ ] real serious there was a time in the United

States of America where you couldn't you couldn't get anyone they were sold out a drug was sold out

billions of them made everything they were sold out you could you have to wait three or four days at the pharmacist to

get them and why because they're giving it to our kids how's our kids going to grow up when they're always in that fight or

flight now if if you have ADHD and and you check the medication and you have

hcad it will slow everything down okay if you don't 95 of people that take it

don't it speeds your head up and you start getting a high of it so people always doing exams struggling automatic

kids find Graves they're all on adult you've got to stop that [ __ ] you've got to look at it if you're on nobody Casey

what's going on you know and you'll find out the same occurring pattern is

childhood trauma where would you abandoned where would you not validated or approved as a child

what happened to his child where was the molestation where was he and you'll find sooner or later that it's there that's

why kids are anxious or depressed it's because of what's going on in the past once you visit that and clear it up then

you know 12 13 14 15s I've worked with with the same problem you realize that your past should not be fine who you are

and most of your class is none of your fault it's not your fault it's not the

anxiety to carry depression is passed down uh it's called a measurement plus down from parents

especially mum to children so mum's depressed girls is usually depressed it's a pattern Mark you see

monkey do it's a narrowing part of the brain if I if I see something often enough I'm gonna start doing that you

know if I if I have a friend that has a stupid saying like shut up within a couple of weeks or months I'm

gonna start saying that because the mirroring parts of the brain pick up that and we want to do exactly we want

to narrow each other so again show me your friends I'll show you future if you hang around 90 press people you will

become the temp if you hang around nine successful happy people you will become

the tech there's there's no even thinking about it you will become the 10th I think University is so popular

and all the guys are going to say hi we've got amazing job because they're hanging around with the guys that went to Harbor

you know but what you what what people are not remembering or don't know is their minds are going exactly the same

then my your mind and the guy who's still is the CEO of multi-training they're saying it's the same so why has

he done that and that well I'll go back to Childhood trauma now because for a long time again I didn't think I was

blonde enough tall enough Rich enough off thin enough so if you're sad at Albany listen to this and you're thinking that you never

could achieve what I've achieved and you'll never be nothing and you'll never you know be the best father I want to

apologize to you because somebody's putting that there babies are born with million dollar

Minds what the hell are you doing hanging around 10 cent mines we need to get out and push the envelope

and we need to teach our children not to be so fearful and that we can protect them all of the time we can protect them

that's powerful I I guess because I am so my I raise my kids so you know

through my divorce the kids are with me so I raised my children you know I have

three boys and a girl and I I can see

well they all had to grow up fast because you know I had the martial arts school so I'm kind of working at night

you know I had to have my older one help out with what we had to do you know I was lucky enough to be able to take them

to school pick them up because of my how you know how the martial arts hours were I was able to do both of those

but it certainly took a toll on my family I can tell you that I can I remember the certain part of the Year

All My Children my oldest son had to lose 110 pounds I remember the pizza and lasagna and

spaghetti days of just trying to get through and being you know me yeah

trying to be get through anger and then I find that a couple of my sons

have that anger bug that I've got you know what I mean I've seen it I've seen it come out you know I've gotten older

so it doesn't it doesn't flare but man I'll tell you it still can flare and when it flares you know I try and keep

it kind of suppressed that's why you always see the Hulk on me everywhere right because I'm trying to keep him suppressed because when he comes out

and you can actually hurt people it's not it's not really a good and not just by physically hurt but I'm just talking

about just mentally beat somebody down just by how you talk to them either either of those it's been complicated so

you know I watch my sons dealing with anger maybe you can give some advice on

how to have anger control how to have it I had to go to some classes I checked myself in for six months on Anger

Management when I was going through the divorce because I did not want something

to go awry there you know and so where I'm going to put myself in Jeopardy now

of course I check a lot of these guys are core mandated and I'm like man these guys are I thought I was bad with anger

I mean we're talking about taking bed posts and knocking their wives upside their head and you know I was like what

the frick and so anger I think I I've seen anger I've seen anger in young men uh here

that I have in my own School especially a group of of you know Alpha type men and Jiu Jitsu has been a lifesaver for

them even over sparring sparring not everybody likes because you get hit in the face Jiu Jitsu you can get on the ground and you can roll around a little

bit and you're not really you know taking punishment to your face and stuff like that but the release of something I don't

know if I could play anything to be honest with you doc even myself if I miss if I missed uh you know I roll two

or three days a week if I miss one of those I can feel myself a little bit anxious and a little bit on edge and every time

I kind of roll it's kind of like a washing like you're getting out of a shower and you're taking everything all this Dirt Off You

what do you think on that on those Rhymes anger that type of thing physical

you see what happens is when we're children there's been there's been violence in the house if somebody grows up button uh everything you see in the

house you get taught to do again monkey see monkey do everything we we hear we

believe to be the truth and everything we see is how we feel so what happens is we all want to be like that or else you

know girls will be like Mom but they adore dads or whatever they replicate in that house if the child if the young boy

sees dad coming home every night and most nights it's violence he learns a couple of things you know he learns to

run and hide at certain points and yet he'll always be dominated by father and and beaten up by father and stuff like

that so that's in bread as normal living okay because what's it to compare to

nothing mum and dad teaches everything so if you see that behavior then you're gonna go on uh to to do that behavior

and this is where that girl um it's really easy to track girls when this happens because they see father

coming home drunk hitting mom um and they learn a couple of things they learn to listen for the door

there's the key go straight in the door or is it jangle around a bit because if he changles around and doesn't go straight into drunk and it's going to be

fine with something wrong but that behavior itself becomes a comfort zone so what happens when the girl grows up

to be a woman in her teens and 20s and she starts dating she will attract the guys that will always end up beating him

and always end up the alcoholic type now why is that but it's because of the energy that she's learned it becomes a

comfort zone now our test and trials have shown that if that girl by any

means meets a guy that treats a well with no violence she will self-sabotage

that relationship because it doesn't feel comfortable so when we see kids going through we see in adults a lot in

offices that people around that needs to call drama because that's their comfort zone because they've seen that in the

house so they're always cold drugs there's always one in there that causes the drama she's in the overweight girl or guy wants to cause drama run away

that's childhood trauma you know that's all they're doing so the anchoring self is the inability to express one's

feelings because it's all it's all it's all in there that you've been told as a kid to shut up never be seen always be you know

sit in the corn it's not your job so what somebody get someone builds up the only thing we can do and he's the nearest person that what we see because

it bursts down so how do we get rid of that well what happens is first of all we lose our identity

women lose their identity marriages a lot of the times boys lose their identity because they're not really related to connect me with fathers

who've never been validated never been approved so as they grow up this becomes a violent act to put them in that

comfort zone and find their identity where to get an identity from from people like you mark from the stuff you

do from the martial arts that they train see everyone thinks martial arts about fighting you know as well as I do it's

not it's about discipline it's about being it's being at one with oneself and and knowing worth knowing what you are

worth when you know what you are worth you will never be a viable never be

violent because you need validating my money you need approval you need to say Hey you are worth it and that's what it

comes down to but the law of attraction is very powerful out there and the quantum physics that attaches to that

and the neural science that we do proves that once you find out your identity find out how powerful you really are

because girls and guys if you sat around watching this and you think you're kind of attractive you're 25 percent more

attractive and you think you're you're 25 more intelligent than you think you are you're probably 25 thinner or

muscular than you think you are we never see ourselves in the mirror what we see in the mirror is a distorted picture

from my childhood boom so when I lost I used to be a

bodybuilder but then I put a lot of weight on and kids often find this when they when they're heavy set going

through the 20 stones and foot and they lose a lot of weight they still going to into close place and go for the big and

tall area instead of going to the medium and large area when they go out they'll order massive food even though they

can't eat it now because of the old behavior and picture of themselves it's very hard for someone to see themselves

in the mirror as they truly are it's very very hard once you find out what's

going on here you can fix here man I'm telling you all my children suffer from that this body

just more fun every one of them my son uh my other son that's a runner now he was always heavy even through high

school and you know he had lost 110 pounds he runs I don't know anywhere from four to seven yeah that's what he

does and he's uh you know he's 145 pounds right and he looks at the self and he

tells me all the time he goes I don't even know if I can take my shirt off at the beach dad and I'm like

so I just I don't know how to help you with that son I really don't know I don't have answers for you I said

conquered this thing that you needed to conquer you got to see it in your mind now stop

worrying about anything it he'll get triggered if somebody even teases him at all right I'm like why you give a [ __ ]

what somebody says who cares you know what I mean somebody said something to him as a child or a young adult that's

that's gotten and and here's what I had once there was a group of gods we meet every week everything was great one of

the kids uh one of the 20 studies uh lost a lot of mate it was phenomenally

looked amazing it wasn't great but it looked amazing and he heard one comment and he'd stopped training for a couple

of weeks because he was sick but he's also eating back to his old behaviors and he started to put maybe 10 pounds

back on so he's lost a hundred and put 10 pounds back on he heard somebody in the background as he's walking past a

group of people saying oh look at Billy is getting fat again oh my God the Damage Done by that is

unbelievable now when I was a a kid around eight nine ten my parents used to

drop me off at what they called a friend's house to go out drinking so they would look after us you know to the

next day and as soon as my Mom and Dad's car pulled out the driveway we had to play a game called run around naked so

we actually get all undressed and run around you know I didn't know that was child abuse anything less than nurturing

by the way is child abuse I didn't know that but as a bodybuilder I still would take my top off that stuff that's the

stuff that scarves so why is that memory acting out today I don't want to take my clothes up sometimes it's related to

what you see I sell but mostly it's related to some things happen in the past where someone's ridiculing or said

something about the physique and in about six months time you'll realize how good he looks if he gets the right help

otherwise you know kids are stuck in that traumatic event like there's a

there's a nursery rhyme with the kids at school sticks and stones will break but words will never hurt me what a bunch of

[ __ ] that is you know I and I'm sure you can Mark I can destroy somebody in two

seconds or what I say sometimes oh yeah absolutely and I've done it I like an animal I've been an [ __ ] for sure

yeah 100 we can change people's days so the way I look at it today is

you need to surround them people with lots of validation and approval and you know get friends to do that or relatives

to do that and all of a sudden what we hear is how we feel remember so sorry how he sees when I feel so we see these

people coming to us and saying how amazing we are eventually going to take the honestly working part of my mind it's it's the basal gangly apart my mind

repetition strength and confirms but if nothing's coming in and old behaviors and thought patterns of the past that

scarred you it'll keep going round and round and round and round and then what happens is you keep self-sabotaging at

certain points and you'll never get I definitely I definitely feel even myself

I definitely feel my I felt that even in myself you know I hate that one of my

memories of my oldest son is gosh I remember when Dad was angry driving and he pulled somebody out and he bounced

his head right off the our our favorite of our car and I'm like Ugh

I said I said I remember those days man that's how angry I was I mean I would fight at the drop of a hat and give you

shits about it and uh you know then that's probably from you know I was bullied pretty good in school you know I

started lifting weights when I was a younger guy 12 years old so I'm always bigger than everybody else I've always

been a bigger athlete so you know I've always heard it I've always heard something and I still hear today even as

an adult it didn't matter how many teeth I knock or how many black eyes I've given out the words kept on coming and

at some point I had to say man I'm gonna have to back off and then I I see what

I've done to my own children yeah um and then I I don't have a way to fix

it you know what I mean it sucks really sucks and it must be an outside sauce but it's very very very fixable you know

I was just saying the only reason I started uh weightlifting or bodybuilding was I was I was getting knocked around

the rink you know because it was so light and I was getting bullied at school so I started bodybuilding and

what happened is I was a natural I was a natural I have to take steroids I did in

the end because everyone's telling me that I was so I took him anyway but in the beginning and then what started to happen or not is I was walking around

school and everything and people would hey watch out what Kelly said don't and I hear me and people become scared of me

and then what happened inside I didn't see this big outside guy I still was

this nine-year-old kid inside that was scared of somebody still bullying me and it was a really strange situation to be

in because I'm expected to come up and beat me up or you know but everyone scared so often then talk about the mind

and the psychology behind this dentist I think nobody likes me because no one

would approach me the reason we stopped approaching me is I was scary looking and it looked like I was going to kill

somebody because they're all you know bodybuilding the martial arts has told people scared it happened a few months

ago in a group of men I go down and speak to there's about 50 guys there and I've been doing it for a few months but

after I finished speaking Mark everyone will just go their own way into different Clicks in the corners and I stand there on my own and nobody would

approach me and one day a couple of weeks ago I said to the guy that owns it and said you know something I'm thinking

of stepping down Jenny he was like stepping down why would you step down what I said well nobody nobody's really

giving a [ __ ] what I do nobody kind of likes me another and he started laughing and he said like you

No One's Gonna approach you rob they've seen you on TV they've seen you you know right in the books they've seen you with

with part of the government they've seen you once you're a superstar and I'm like what there's no I thought they hated me

they weren't they were intimidated or they didn't want to come up in case I was like oh go away I'm too busy and

famous to see you guys and I was thinking it was me and that's what happens now that's an out of 10 types of

human beings is you think they think it's me it's not it's like the guys you've got are the car and bounced up

the guy she's threatened to kill you know like we we all did back in the day it wasn't it wasn't about the guy he was

really about us why we were so angry why we were so defensive why we wanted to strike out because we couldn't verbally

put it into a situation that would calm it down so we did the only thing that we knew as a kid was to [ __ ] defend

ourselves and strike out first I was always told that this is why most of my

relationships didn't last them because of my abandonment is when I started dating girls I would leave them before

they left me because I knew eventually they were going to leave me and it's the same with fighting balls strike the

first punch always if you think this happened and you make a move and

you did something similar and I can tell when someone's about to throw Apartments when The Stance changes you know little

things like cleansing a little tiny bit eye movement and I would strike first every single time because that was my

defense because I didn't want you to hurt me so I'm gonna strike first I didn't want you

to leave me so I'm Gonna Leave You first and it's just a [ __ ] way of living to be honest

yes that's that's 100 and this has been pretty this is this has been this is

helpful for me even because I I say this all the time every time I do podcasts I'm able to get to these you guys and

and kind of because this has all happened here it happens in my school it's happened in my house I remember just recently my son and a couple of

both my boys as a matter of fact you know they're they're at a stage of becoming men they're they're adults age

but they're you know they still live with me right so uh you know still some of my rules here

boys and when you're gonna lash out you're gonna get the other side of dad and both times this has happened and it

almost went to blows with both of them and I'm thinking I'm gonna knock the [ __ ] out of my sons

here in about two seconds man and uh I can feel it coming and you know then they'll they'll egg me

on both my sons did this to me both clinched hands ready to kind of throw and I said man don't do it don't do it

yeah uh and then I just I kind of walked away and then this is what I did you

know because I was like either I'm gonna be angry at this kid so I oh knocked on the door you're angry I grabbed my son I

just hugged him and I said I shouldn't have um I shouldn't even though you were angry

at me I shouldn't come back like that like I'm gonna fight you so they broke down in tears both of them and I don't

know something something we have to do that as fathers we have if

we show them not to do it they're going to go out to the world and do that and have complications you see going back to your identity I used to walk into a room

Mark and I used to worry about I used to think to myself who likes me in here

what I do today is I kick the [ __ ] door down walk in and go who do I like in here so once you find your identity

of who it's like a Ferrari Arnold Schwarzenegger who I met back in the 70s because of the bodybuilding he tells a

story about buying the first Ferrari you know um and pulling up at the signal like

traffic lights and the guy next to him like revenue's engines in some other car and Arnold pulled off really slow and he

got asked by a newspaper report why don't you burn him off and he said when you know what you keep on the doing

what's the point of showing off and that bodes well to everything that we do just because they have a Ferrari

doesn't mean I have to show you how fast it is because I know how fast it is just because you see a certain situation

where it could cause I know what I can do so I stay calm in this situation you

know I I don't I'm not quick to jump up with you know the the threat of gonna

kill you because and I'm sure you you this is you but you probably don't know uh when we talk in a room we're smiling

and happy but you know to guys in there that they they see one thing I'm not gonna [ __ ] with them

no way I'm gonna mess with him because that's what we carry into a room it's not ego it's confidence that you know

what you can do after the years of experience and the years of touch I'm 62. like you mark but you know something

stuck them up 19 20 25 20 30 and it's okay first I'll still put you down because I know what I'm capable of doing

now well that last verse of my life hell no and I know 20 years I'm not going to do this but then I know one limit so I'm

going to carry it gone it's kind of that situation once you find out the violence is not the answer

you know arguing with somebody that we should have most sense of doing that than a hog that makes a difference will

change your son's life forever really well psychologically well because we

know what we're capable of doing I don't have to get violent today you [ __ ] know what I can do just by looking at me

you know you see the Big Frame and I mean you know I can do so I'm not going there with you unless you want to and if

you do make sure you freaking insurance is up today yes I I have that I have that same uh

I have that same I've often wondered why does everybody think I'm so intimidating because I you know I'm not I'm not

unapproachable but I do walk into a room like

you know I do walk in a room just like that you know like when I walk in

and it's uh I do that I don't know if that's good or bad it's just something I I told him I said I don't know how to

get rid of that I said I don't think I'm ever getting rid of it you know and when I step on the mat I have super confidence it was never a matter if I

was super fat or not I mean when I stepped on the mat you knew that I was about to deliver some kind of a good

class and and uh you know and I enjoyed the fight I still enjoy the fight today

I still enjoy it said I think when you walk into a room and everyone kind of

fares you we're never going to say it the way I got around that was to go around every I know you saw this car on

every person at room and shake their hand and say great to see you man you're awesome and then they go oh wow he's

actually a good guy away from him and I I I I fight you with

kind that even my haters got some hates out there guys wasted time and when I see him and they're all caught in a hug

and they go man I just love you man that's what he's letting you know yeah but I wrote that comment it doesn't make any difference man it's

human being I love you to bits man they don't they don't hate on me anymore [Laughter]

well I can tell you Dr Rob mask that hour went by quick as we did this man I sure did I I I've got so much

um respect for you number one and just so many good nuggets today even just to help me personally I didn't realize how

much Kinder Spirits we are born in the same year you know uh backgrounds dealing with it I mean I didn't hit the

streets but I was very close I stayed in in now I didn't hit the streets but I was in a garage on a cot

at the cousin's house who molested me as a teenager right and I remember when I

was 18 and he walked in and I was bigger then he walked by and he goes hey Mark how you doing man I Cole cocked him man

right I was like man right into the pool yeah and I said I'm not that [ __ ] kidding you know what I mean I was just

like on it and and I just I remember that vividly

and so it's uh it's it's and I just think I've just carried it forever I'm kind of the black sheep you know my

brother's the one that I tell him all the time my brother's the one that can walk on water I'm the one that kind of Treads yeah I'm the black sheep but when

[ __ ] hits the fan who do they come to the black sheep always

is it's been such a good hour so I'm gonna just take you know give you the last 30 seconds uh doc give us some

words of wisdoms from your side and uh we'll go on with our day okay

guys so listen remember we never know how powerful we are so today or tomorrow when you get up make your bed go to the

uh bathroom if you brush your hand with your right hand brush it with your left for a week then back for a week then

back for a week and back for a week do that for a month guys and you will change the way you think in 10

exaggerated breaths every single morning we'll move the way you go and then plan five things you're going to do today

five things they could be your easiest breakfast lunch dinner and then two errands but make sure you complete the

five things and as the life goes on increase them five things to make sure the report's going I want to do this

start really easy so you don't set yourself up for failure your life will change from tomorrow

so good doc doc tell everybody what your podcast is in Texas so they can follow yours so at breaking through addiction

is is the podcast and uh I spell my name between bees in case you can't see but

you're listening guys r-o-b-b-k-e-l-o-y.com is the website jump on there see the conference there's

also the Rob Kelly Foundation uh we're not taking down out of that we have no paid stuff on that at all we have only

volunteers so yeah guys come and see us say hi if you want to book send me a message come find me I'll send you a

signed book if you want it um if you buy it from Amazon you don't like it text me I'll refund your money

sounds great doc had a great time with you man it was my pleasure today we'll see you

you've been listening to real talk with Mark Cox real life real topics real

conversation we're passionate about motivation Fitness self-defense weight

loss and coming at it from a real angle we hope you've gotten some useful and

practical information from this show and we hope you had fun we know we did we'll

be back soon but in the meantime hit us up on Instagram and Facebook at

markcox100 make sure to subscribe and review

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“Championing Mental Health: A Deep Dive with Dr. Robb Kelly” #116

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